Death is for Me

People are disturbed, not by things, but by the principles and notions which they form concerning things. Death, for instance, is not terrible, else it would have appeared so to Socrates. But the terror consists in our notion of death that it is terrible. When therefore we are hindered, or disturbed, or grieved, let us never attribute it to others, but to ourselves; that is, to our own principles... -Enchiridion Ch 5

Stoics view mortality as a natural and fundamental aspect of life. We exist in an ever-changing universe. Therefore, much of stoic practice is meant to instill a consistent recognition of the impermanence of every aspect of life. Now, if you live in a culture that hides death away, be prepared for the backlash. As more Stoics become vocal about our philosophy, there will definitely be criticism concerning our views. And let's face it, the concept of death tends to strike at nerves.  

Caitlin Doughty, mortician and talented blogger, posted about her experiences with criticism in Death is for Everyone (a bit of a rant, really) . She is not a stoic, to my knowledge, but she is at the forefront of a movement to bring death back into our lived experience. As she reminds us, "Death is not a fad. Talking about mortality is not a trend piece like artisanal pickles or hand-carved charcuterie boards. It’s not something that “hipsters” are doing now. It is the fundamental core of the human experience." I enjoyed her post, and recommend it to you.

And just in case you hadn't stumbled across Stoicism's position on death yet, here's one more quote. 

Let death and exile, and all other things which appear terrible be daily before your eyes, but chiefly death, and you will never entertain any abject thought, nor too eagerly covet anything. -Echiridion Ch 21

I'm going to say that if a stoic teacher is advising daily visualizations concerning death, you have to view mortality as pretty central to the Stoic mindset. Now, Epictetus is not instructing us to be morose. On the contrary, death only "appears terrible." The goal is a daily recognition that death is neither terrible nor good, it is simply a fact. That fact, however, is a powerful one and can shape our decisions concerning what truly matters in this mortal life.  

So as we go around accepting Death, remember that we are the healthy ones. Living in accord with the world's terms is wise. So go forth, be mortal, and memento mori!

Stoic Saturday: You Get What You Pay For

Is anyone preferred before you at an entertainment, or in a compliment, or in being admitted to a consultation? If these things are good, you ought to be glad that he has gotten them; and if they are evil, don't be grieved that you have not gotten them. And remember that you cannot, without using the same means [which others do] to acquire things not in our own control, expect to be thought worthy of an equal share of them. For how can he who does not frequent the door of any [great] man, does not attend him, does not praise him, have an equal share with him who does? You are unjust, then, and insatiable, if you are unwilling to pay the price for which these things are sold, and would have them for nothing. 

Epictetus' Handbook Ch 25

I was in line to order food a few days ago when I saw a man ahead of me let two friends into the already long queue. This annoyed the patrons around me, though no one said anything directly to the culprits. I wasn't thrown off, partly because of stoicism and partly due to the fact that the first guy could have just ordered for the other two and the situation would have been the same, or so I thought. When the three amigos made it to the front of the line; one, they each paid separately, and two, the new additions weren't even ready to order! So they wasted our time by splitting up and compounded it by being under-prepared. Jerks*, right? Absolutely. They were selfish jerks, but I didn't have to be one too.

If you want the perks that come to line cutting jerks, you have to be a line cutting jerk. That's the deal. What's more, my fellow patrons choose to pay a price by acting affronted by the actions of others. Even though I'm casually tossing around the term jerk, I honestly wasn't invested in the situation. I was enjoying the evening and I continued to enjoy it after the fact. 

Stoicism is an, "ask not what your country can do for you, ask what you can do for your country," type of philosophy. We're not supposed to build up expectations concerning the world. Instead, we expect things from ourselves. We attempt to take in the world as it presents itself and do our best with what comes our way. As such people, you'd think Stoics wouldn't need the scolding that Epictetus lays out. But no, we do. Here's the last half of the chapter: 

For how much is lettuce sold? Fifty cents, for instance. If another, then, paying fifty cents, takes the lettuce, and you, not paying it, go without them, don't imagine that he has gained any advantage over you. For as he has the lettuce, so you have the fifty cents which you did not give. So, in the present case, you have not been invited to such a person's entertainment, because you have not paid him the price for which a supper is sold. It is sold for praise; it is sold for attendance. Give him then the value, if it is for your advantage. But if you would, at the same time, not pay the one and yet receive the other, you are insatiable, and a blockhead. Have you nothing, then, instead of the supper? Yes, indeed, you have: the not praising him, whom you don't like to praise; the not bearing with his behavior at coming in.

First, I love that the translator uses "blockhead." Man, I hope that's close to the original word in Greek. Anyway, you can see that the students Epictetus addresses are expecting certain things from the world. What's more, these expectations aren't even based in cause and effect. Some Stoic kid is saying no to his pal Galen's free gladiatorial fight tickets because attending would be un-stoic and then that kid feels slighted because Galen didn't invite him to a killer birthday bash. Blockhead!

The example Epictetus uses is a step beyond my line-cutter scenario. While I was in line under the "protection" of queuing convention, I might be excused for expecting people to honor those rules. However, if I want to win a game, but I'm not even playing it, I am truly acting ridiculously. Worse yet, I'm standing around acting like I lost something when I haven't. I've kept the time and energy I would have expended playing the game.

Life confronts us with a series of trade-offs. It's important to go forward knowing where you are trying to go. If I want to stay content, I have to give up my right to indignation. If I want to stand apart from some particular crowd, I can't complain when I don't receive their attention. I have to recognize what I already have in the moment and decide if it's worth trading away. If Stoicism is making an impact, I'll find that consumer goods, social standing, or honorifics, become less and less valuable. I'll seek, instead, the contentment found in a well lived life. The things that truly lead to the good life can't be taken away from me, so they're a sound investment.

 *Jerk is not actually a category of human being in Stoic philosophy unless, I suppose, I were to apply it to my own behavior. Still, it can be fun to call someone that from time to time. What can I say, I'm not a sage.

The Stoic Present: So Slender an Object

Don't panic before the picture of your entire life. Don't dwell on all the troubles you've faced or have yet to face, but instead ask yourself as each trouble comes, "What is so unbearable or unmanageable in this?"  Your reply will embarrass you. Then remind yourself that it's not the future or the past that bears down on you, but only the present. Always the present, which becomes an even smaller thing when isolated in this way and when the mind that cannot bear up under so slender an object is chastened.

Marcus Aurelius, The Emperor's Handbook 8:36

The stoic mindset is rooted in the present. The present is, after all, the only place where we can exercise mastery over what is in our control. The past is fixed and untouchable. The future is unknown. As one of my go-to Seneca quotes puts it, "These two things must be cut away: fear of the future, and the memory of past sufferings. The latter no longer concern me, and the future does not concern me yet." How much of our present stress is actually found in the present? Our worries come from an imagined future. Our shame comes from a past we can not change. If we put those intrusive thoughts aside and examine the present moment, what are we left with? I'd wager that 99% of the time, whatever distress remains is manageable. 

I used to live under the burden of the future. For years I doubt an hour went by in which I didn't create some calamity in my head. That toxic habit contributed to an anxiety/depression spiral that nearly killed me. It took additional years of practice to learn to stop damaging myself that way. Even now, I'm a very skilled doom predictor. Thankfully, I'm able to recognize and dismiss these fantasies as what the are, a piss poor use of the human mind.

Marcus Aurelius had similar issues. In Book 7, the emperor admonishes himself in quick succession with three statements:

• Wipe out the imagination.
• Stop pulling the strings.
• Confine yourself to the present.

It seems Aurelius was more than capable of imagining his own bad endings. He probably had a lot of help from historical examples, being the Roman emperor and all. Aurelius kept reminding himself that panicking before the tyranny of the future was foolish, because nothing he foresaw was real. He needed to stop what-if-ing and pay attention to the present, where he could actually affect change.

Thoughts of the future are a subtle trap. It doesn't do us any good to pretend tomorrow isn't coming, after all*. But we don't just think, "I need to do x and y before tomorrow, and not forget to bring z." Instead, we create stories and invest emotionally in them. We live out fights at work that never come to pass. Our pulse races at imagined rejections. And worse yet, by pouring energy into these fantasies, our mind often writes that effort off as work actually done. We check the box on a confrontation with our spouse that never happened, only to rage all the more when the thing we never addressed happens again!

Live in the slender present. Drop the heavy stress of your imagination and do the lighter work that's here for you in the real world.  It's freeing because, in the present, we find that we're capable people. And by doing the work of the present, we prepare ourselves for the actual future that will arrive. That's the best we get; the chance to fully participate in our own lives.

*Yes, we Stoics often take time to recognize that we could die at any instant, but it's still our duty to fulfill our tasks until the real end comes.