This week I will receive a phone call that could change my life for the better. I've interviewed for a job that I would absolutely love. I could get the yes or the no as I'm writing this...or late on Friday. I want to check my phone right now, just in case I missed a call. I find myself daydreaming both positive and negative scenarios that involve a call or a first day at work. I get antsy. It's these times when Stoicism gets tested.
A stoic mind pays attention to the present. Like Seneca said, "the past doesn't concern me anymore and the future doesn't concern me yet." And honestly, what amount of anxiety or worry is going to affect the outcome? I had my interview. Now I wait. There is a bit of superstition behind worry. A feeling that if I'm not investing some amount of energy into the scenario, then the undesired outcome will win out. It's ridiculous. The scenario that is happening, the one I can invest in, is whatever is happening here at this moment. I'm stealing attention from the present and handing it to a fantasy. Speaking of fantasy, I seriously just heard an imagined incoming text sound and checked my phone.
So I find myself with a gift. A chance to practice stoic indifference, attention, hesitation, etc. I'm failing a lot, but noticing that I'm failing is part of the process. I do know I am leaps and bounds better at waiting than I was a few years ago. It's encouraging. What's more, those moments when I draw my attention back to the present, they are particularly sweet. Seriously, I just smiled at the thought. I'll have to check in again later with an update, and do my best to not desire that update comes quickly!